ChairShot.org

DIXIE arrives, and the big billed main event is an explanation for why she invited the ECW geeks into the Impact Zone last week. Stay tuned. We also get the two advertised matches (Hernandez vs. Kurt, Match 2 of the title series) from last week, plus Joe vs. Hardy! Should be good.

But of course, we open with an unadvertised title match. Global Champion Rob Terry, who just resurfaced last week, takes on AJ Styles. Terry is put over as the longest reigning Global Champion. What a non-achievement. Match was not all that good, but AJ was really funny. He would hit a kick on Terry and celebrate like it was a big deal. He was high fiving Kaz and all. That was great. Anyway, in the middle of the match Tenay says Love will be stripped of the women’s title later. Good. At least they’re undoing their own stupid booking. Better than sticking to it right? Anyway, Kaz interfered and AJ won the belt. Fortune gets it’s first belt. I would appreciate if they built this match up, especially if they were giving the new group their first belt. Make it look important. Anyway, this wasn’t good.

Tenay and Taz ran down last week’s shenanigans.

Madison and Sarita were gossiping backstage about their respective rivals; Velvet and Taylor. Madison talked about Velvet’s big tits. You can tell Russo is writing this shit. Because the women are back to “bitch this” and “your tits” that. For a man of the lord his shows are quite chauvinist. Velvet wandered in and the two bitched and bitched with Lacey playing mediator. As with last week, the acting was humoursly poor.

Dixie was chewing out PAT KENNEY and AL SNOW BACKSTAGE. She wanted answers for last week. She said they should know better because they’re management. Wackiness.

Sarita and and Madison vs. Taylor and Angelina. Taylor is wearing the slutiest outfit of her career. She seems to be compensating for her weird face. Looks hot though. Sarita and Madison are just friends now which irritates the fuck out of me. EARLY HEBNER CUTS A PROMO. This was beyond horrible. Worse than Bret Hart. I think he says there’s no proof that Madison had assistance from one of the Beautiful People at Victory Road and so Angelina was striped of the title and Madison got it back. Then they had the match. It sucked. The two good girls were doing more bad brawling and the two crap girls were involved in the finish. The Motorcycle Chick showed up, proving it was not Sarita (Velvet accused her previously). Lacey and Velvet came out, looking perplexed. Madison, bodyguard woman and Sarita do a beat down. Lacey and Velvet looked hot as hell. Lacey is literally just standing around in her bra. Madison insists Lacey leaves with her. So Madison and biker woman drive off and Sarita and Von Erich follow… on foot. Shite segment, with no heat.

The TNA guys were shown arriving earlier… they were mumbling incoherently and then it ended. I have no idea.

Kurt vs. Hernandez. They mention his career is on the line. Drop that fucking gimmick. Immediately. Kurt went to ground quick but Hernandez started to dominate. Kurt got his big top rope suplex and his rolling germans. Hernandez kicked out of  the angle slam. God bless Angle, but these matches are actually growing quite tiresome. Kurt misses with a typical BEAUTIFUL moonsault. Angle won with the ankle lock. As I say, Kurt needs to change things up in a major way, but I can’t fault the good match and hard work.

Nash comes out. He shakes Kurt’s hand as he leaves. You know, last week when Kev’ was burying the young talent, he was being cheered. I would have avoided him shaking hands and hugging a top face, when he comes out to do a supposedly heel promo. Anyway he calls out Jarret and we go to break. There’s a cliff hanger.

Nash is talking about something… I am literally struggling to stay awake during this. I don’t want these fucks on my TV. I just don’t. This isn’t like when Cena comes out. And I’m not happy to see him. But whatever, I just see where the segment goes. I want to turn this off. I didn’t like these two in their prime. Kevin is talking about Jarret shitting into his punch. He asks him if he eats lots of almonds. Multiple times. The crowd cheer Nash. Jarret says he’s talking shit and blames him for getting The Band work and hurting TNA. Always with this shit about “you hurt this company”. Jarret is so unbearable. Speaking of unbearable, Nash mentions Jarret’s kids. Yes, another angle with Jarret’s kids. Nash says they’ll realise Jarret’s a prick when they grow up. I have no idea what this was about. I don’t care. It sucked.

Dixie is standing around backstage. She bumps into Kurt. Kurt is concerned BUT he trusts Dixie. And that’s all she asks.

Joe vs. Hardy. Of all the shit promoted for this week; this was not one of them. Again, if you don’t prioritise PPV, fine. But if you’re gonna give big matches away for free, ADVERTISE THEM. It is so silly to just do big money making matches for free. The first EVER encounter between Joe and Hardy. That could be a big deal. But is it? Of course not. The second the bell rings, Tenay says they’ve got Bischoff on the line to talk about Dixie and ECW. This is hilarious. This company sucks. It fucking sucks. The first ever Joe/Hardy match. Bischoff not at the show… AGAIN waffles on about Dixie and I don’t remember what he said. Joe and Hardy are brawling and as the call ends they’re in a rest hold. Joe whips Hardy into the rope. Hardy leaps over Joe but gets caught with a kick on the way down. That was great. Joe dominated and the crowd got behind Jeff big time. Joe hit the powerbomb/STF combo. He turned it into a crossface. Joe and Hardy started brawling as the time limit expired. DAMN fine match They fought after the bell.

Jarret and Dixie were having one of those mumbly “realistic” chats backstage.  She tells people to spread the word on good things coming. Sigh.

Morgan vs. Anderson. Talk about no buys. Anderson asks if there’s any assholes in attendance. Surely, at the Impact Zone. Morgan dominates. Anderson hits his finish out of nowhere. Match done. Short and bad, but not offensive. Apparently Morgan is in the dog house for whatever reason, it was mentioned in the Observer this week. Morgan beat up Anderson. Just like last week, they job the guy out and he beats up the guy who beat him. This just makes everyone look like a geek. No heat, but some piped boos.

Beer Money and the Guns; street fight. The reason I watch this show. Impossible for these two to have a bad match. Impossible, I say. Sabin does a big ass dive into the ring to kick off the brawl. On the ramp, Sabin does a 40 yard dash into a big drop kick to Roode’s face. Awesome. Shelley hits a double stomp off the ramp on Roode. Both teams start pulling out some plunder. Sabin got caught with a chair, doing a suicide dive. Shelley hit his downward spiral into the second turnbuckle, but with a chair in the corner. Great tag team offence as Shelley throws Roode a chair and Shelley hits a drop kick on it. Shelley got caught with a spinebuster but kicked out. There was a bunch of weapon shots and what have you. BOTH refs were bumped. Jesus. This match is supposed to resolve a controversy involving the titles. And the refs have now bumped in BOTH the matches in this series. Guns hit the Sliced Bread powerbomb combo, but the ref was down. Beer bottle to Shelley got Beer Money the pin. Again, great TV match shit finish. Beer Money get to choose the stip for next week.

RVD cuts a promo on ECW. It was an RVD promo.

Video package for ECW.

Dixie came out to a new theme and music. Weird. The dorks in the front row did the bowing thing. Marks. Dixie is hotter than so many of the knockouts it’s scary. She says she listens to the fans and they all love hardcore wrestling and stuff. So they bring out the ECW  guys to the shittiest knockoff ECW theme. Raven… I’ll say again… looks fucking horrendous. Tommy is limping because of his injury from last week. Foley says this is the first time she’s seen Dixie cut a promo… she says “No, I’m being real”, great line on this show. Everything else is fake, you see. She says what ECW in the 90s was like what Hogan did in the 80s. HAHA. What bullshit. They waffle on and on and on just having a fucking big-ass circle jerk. Tedious. Dreamer gets the mic. His voice is quivering. Already. On the cusp of tears. From the start. He says ECW and TNA are hugely similar. Lie. He says Taz was Joe before Joe. He says what Flair did for Lethal, Funk did for Dreamer. He said before the Beautiful People, there was Francine and Beullah. He said he came to Slammiversary and loved what he saw. He said at ECW One Night Stand 2005, he had closure. But “THEY” brought it back. He talks about how they ruined it and that. Some fan shouted “Vince sucks” and Tommy says “exactly”. He says he quit because of how bad ECW was ruined. Sure, sure. Tommy started welling up. He said only Dixie could bring his plan to fruition. He says he wont cry… bullshit. This is such God-awful TV. The promo is such pandering bullshit, the emotion is forced bullshit, the sentiment is tired old bullshit. Just bullshit everywhere. “I BEG OF YOU” says Tommy. The fans were loving this. Dunno what that says about them. Dixie says this is not about TNA, it’s about ECW. The fans chant for Sabu. Dixie and Tommy hug and he says they’re going extreme. They don’t explain what that means. They don’t plug the PPV. It just ends.

This show was the usual bullshit but with some great matches.

5/10